dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
