If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
