is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
