I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
