she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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