dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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