So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
