I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
