Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
