The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Slut skills are useful in every country.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
