FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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