broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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