You made me cry and you don't even care
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
