I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
