I just threw up on my dentist
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize