you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
