come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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