I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
