I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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