I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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