Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
