I can tuck mytits in my pants
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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