Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize