i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
