this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
