I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
