How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
