I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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