I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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