It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
