Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
