Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
