Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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