they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
