worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize
