I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
