I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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