hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
