Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
