Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
