Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize