The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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