Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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