I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
