You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
