I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
