Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
