id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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