I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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