As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
