I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
