I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
