lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
A+ Viking dick
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
