well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just high enough for therapy.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
