Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
