So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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