i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize