Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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