Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
