Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
