i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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