I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
