you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize