used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
