I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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