last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
