my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
