Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
