NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
