He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
