Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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