Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize