I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
