we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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