I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
