Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
