i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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